Well Like I said, I'd be back tonight. Well where do we want to start; Ancient history or social? I think the info on the social will be shorter so let us commence with that and proceed on words from there. I have only one block of class on Thursdays so I have nothing to do. Well since this is the case Ned suggest that I should come with him to this college and careers group that he is going to for the first time. So I say sure. Why? A) I have nothing else to do B) its to do with God and getting more of him and C) I might meet someone. Sad I know, but I can never seem to loosen the grip of the female and marriage upon my feeble mind. So we go, Sasha a friend of Sarah comes with us as well, to this group to see what it's like. They are all very friendly and take us in sticking up conversation easily. There was one guy though, and me and Ned both wanted to say something to him but it was obvious he was looking for answers about God and it wasn't our place. (Especially in a group were we ourselves are newcomers). Well that was about all for the social event it was fun but there was no one there to note, no one that caught my eye. On to the history lessons. I got a letter today from Kat. Kat is my best friend, Jake's, cousin. She is also the first person I dated, ever ( I don't count the one in grade 7… that really wasn't dating and I never like the girl anyways… it was a mixed up time, I might talk about it sometime.) With all other GF's I've been the one to break it off, with Kat, she broke it off. (I think I was always a one GF only guy that has now been opened up to a whole world of hurt for not waiting for the right one, I'll get into this in a short while) Let me put this into context for you a little bit. I first met Kat at a Youth convention. Then when I went with Jake and his fam to a cabin they were there and I really took note of her ( and her twin sister lol I just like to add that she's a twin). She is two years older than me and we talked on Msn for literally hours. We set up dates on msn per say. Well one day, and this kinda returns to 'one GF ever' idea but, we were talking and she suggests we take it to the next level, actually date. Well I didn't want to at first and this went on for about a week but she finally wore me down. So never having dated before, I'm put into an entirely new situation and I'm not too sure what to do. Well first off, I ask her if I should call her dad and ask permission, she says sure and I do… (I think I handle the conversation fairly well and he allowed us) So we set out on this next step in our relationship and I of course move quickly, maybe because I'm nervous I don't know, but we start talking on the phone and soon after I bring in the big three words… I used it a lot and surprisingly before she did. Well this is all history now. Skipping to the end of this long distance relationship (Ned would remark on how all of my serious relationships have been long distance…) She dumps me, but not so cleanly o no. We talk about it for about a month and then seriously talk for a week. Throughout this she asked me what we should do and she never gave me a clear answer until the end of that week were I go on facebook and her facebook relationship status has changed to nothing… This is ultimately how I found out I was done. Regardless ( I make it seem worse than it was I suppose) we did remain friends. The talking slowly dissipated and eventually became few and far between, until the letter. (Somewhat lol) Well this letter is the result of a skype convo (text only) and included how she missed me and our friendship (horribly I might add) but further that she has "most everything behind me and I am willing to start over" and "I don't hold anything against you" well of course this gets the old gears in gear and grinding as to what that meant. My mind goes from what I did and then to what she did to me and so on and I try to reason out stuff but I can't really find a place for it to fit in my mind. Attached to this though "(not saying you did anything wrong)" and that just sends me reeling again. Well I have no way of know let alone understanding what she means by this or to what she refers but I do regret things I've done and it would be easier if I could blame something I did for everything. But besides that. The intent of the letter was to reestablish our great relationship as friends and I respect that and her. (sad to think of this but she is one of the few I truly respect. Her and Mira are truly the ones I respect… as I think about this I might chalk it up to intellect and I see them as smarter or at least as smart as me I dunno, just something to think about) I will write her back probably tomorrow as I have no class, we will see. On a side note to the rest of the day, remember how I was saying I was going to be more bold and such? Well, I basically asked Kas out on a pool date (billiards) and i think she would have said yes (her response was that of another time then?? Or something of the sort but with two question marks) but right as I was about to 'seal the deal' Ned asked if I wanted to go to town with him the run some errands and I need to run some of my own so reluctantly I said yes. I'm going to try and ask her tomorrow similarly. I want to get to know her and figure her out as she is one of the few that I cannot read well and she makes me nervous (very strange for me around women especially those I like…) until then and until write back to the skeleton that has come back to life and walked out of the closet I bid thee ado! Goodnight!
A Gravedigging Struggling Stranger
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