Wow. That is really all I have to say. The reason I didn't post last night was the amazing service we had. Every Wednesday we have chapel. Last night I me with God in a tangible way, just me and him, for the first time I along time. My heart was convicted on things I need to set straight. Such things as the projector I 'borrowed', thinking I can do it on my own, my continual web of lies (even on here there are something's that I've lied to myself about, not a lot but a few). These are only a few I wrote down on a page. The other major one was this blog though. This blog I designed, I'll be ita little subconsciously, to tear myself down; exploit my life and short comings. This is evident in My signature as a struggling stranger. Struggling showing that my insecurity and stranger kind of saying how no one really knows me or even cares to know me. Then again the title of this Blog, The Pathetic Path, shows something similar. Pathetic is pretty self explanatory and path refers to my life. Both of these are inspired out of my down on myself attitude. All of these, and more, I wrote on a piece of paper, thinking I'm listing the things I need to improve and fight against (which it was) but God had another idea. After I finished writing these things down I couldn't stop writing. But not of these things. All over the page, in the middle, on the sides, down the margin, latterly all over even sideways I was compelled to write the exact opposite of these speak life, love who I am, WHOLE, real faith, Be bold to mention a few. The page looks like a completely mess with word all over the place underlined box and circle. But those that I was compelled to write (the ones speaking life into my life) which were underlined and boxed in passion, make it so your eye goes straight to them and you pay no attention to the self destroying words I'd written. This is what God did for Me. He took all the bad in my life and made it have a purpose. My weakness are still there but through them God is Strong and I intern am Strong through him. If you look closely enough you can see the weak and such but looking at the page you always notice the good. This is like God in my life, he shines through. And though these are just words written on a page in plain and simple ink, God changed my heart again that day. That's not to say I won't ever have any more problems (quite the contrary) but I was at peace with God for the first time in a long time. A scale tips from one side to the next, forever cursed in this circular Hex. Last night a weight was lifted from one side, this action causing his servant to abide. This describes me. My life was so tipped in one direction, so much weight of sin and wrong living, tearing myself down, that the scale was unbalanced. The scale was redistributed and though it did not tip completely to the other side it was balanced; letting me know I can still reach God still be used by him. From there I smiled and just rested with God. He gave me a verse Luke 10:2 "Then He said "the harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send laborers into His harvest". How this impacted me was in way more ways than I would have thought. The harvest IS… not was, not will be, IS and great. BUT that stupid word that always gets in the way of things. But the Laborers ARE again present tense few. Not that there aren't it's just that those who are working are either not getting all the crops or they are working way harder than they should to produce good quality and efficiency. THERFORE; God gives us the answer to the but PRAY. Something my life has desperately lacked is prayer. The Lord of the harvest; He has already won the battle as it is his harvest. And finally HIS harvest. It is his harvest we are but the laborers. We need to let him use us as he will because it is his and only by his power do we do anything. Well I think I'll leave it here but I'll be back tonight as I have an unopened letter from some ancient history I haven't introduce. And I'll be going to a small group till then.
A Balanced Struggling Stranger
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