Sorry I missed the last two, not that it really matters cause no one is reading anyway; but let's not get into a sad depressive state. :P Well today was interesting, yesterday had stories, and tonight was awe inspiring. Would you like me to explain? Well I think we shall start with the situation I always find myself obsessing about; GIRLS. Remember how I said there was a hike 'date' (again for lack of a better word) on Monday? Well let me tell you how that played out… Monday I have class in the morning then an RA meeting and then class at 6. (the class which is death to me in class form… not from the teacher or the teaching simply the time…DEATH) In both of these classes I have a weekly assignment due both involving reading and reflecting. (This is also the reason I missed Sunday night's blog) Well I was able to finish one Sunday and read most of the other. (The one for the afternoon class) This meant I needed to do the assignment when we had planned our hike. Well I checked facebook after I had started the assignment and wound up on her page. Interestingly her status was "….the waiting game…" and the time it was changed was the time we were suppose to start our hike. Right under that status update was another that may or may not be directed at me, but I found intriguing none the less. It said "I'm the apple at the top of the tree. If you ain't goin' to climb, you ain't getting' a bite." Just caught my eye. After finishing the assignment it was still fairly early so I went up to the other dorm to see if she was around. She wasn't. Later we saw each other, still before my class, she mentioned it, and then said she didn't really want to go today anyway; I made a lame excuse about the homework. The outcome we will see. I'm really not too sure where anything will go from here. Next interesting story. Mira wanted me to call her and thus I did because I was free. We talked for a good long while; she talked to Ned as well for a bit. (Allot of interesting things perked my ears with this) After I got the phone back we got into a rather serious talk but then the phone died. We began FB emailing back and forth and this lasted until late in the night. The topic was of course us but stemmed off of a question and response about something I said being cruel. Outcome, and it scares me to admit this, we both still care for each other in a 'more' way. Yet we continue moving on as it will never work. I'm conflicted in many more ways than one from this. Why does the one I feel so attracted too and so in tune with be a person I can never have? Will I ever meet someone who is like her that fulfills my hopes and dreams? I know God has a plan and all, but the doubt is still there. Because of my stubborn nature I suppose, I will take this and but these thoughts to the back of my mind; never going away but not fully present until they explode causing a chain reaction of thoughts that is unstable in bringing me to despair. Enough, to the back of the mind. Next on the agenda is a new comer, Mandy. Mandy is someone who annoys allot of people and is loud and crazy. She's a good gal but not anywhere near the one for me. Well after talking to her on FB about some things, just caring for a friend, I knew it would go downhill. This is a perfect example of being a gentleman and getting myself in trouble. She asked me to do things today and because I was extremely bored I agreed. We played Dutch blitz and pool for a long time. At the end of the night I come home check FB and lo and behold I have a new message. It reads that she just wanted to let me know that she had a great time today and that she's looking forward to getting to know me more…. This and couple of jokes throw in as thrown me right off. I don't know how to say no and not hurt her. I can't, as Ned suggested, just give her the cold shoulder; she is still a friend, yet I cannot continue with her in a delusional state. Well I think the best course is simple not to reply; she can take that how she wants whether that be a cold shoulder of me not being too much into FB. Well on with other stories for the night. In class yesterday we discussed going as a class to see a movie. Today we did. We went and saw the book of eli. So much can be said about that movie but I will sum it up in it has affected me and how I will continue on. I feel much more motivated. I won't ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it but it is a great movie to see. A little swearing and a fair amount of gore is all for that besides ideas and concepts (non sexual mostly) that are not suitable for younger ages. I will try and get on tomorrow and explain more but I leave you here tonight wondering at what I'm wondering about in this movie. Goodnight.
An Awestruck Struggling Stranger
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