I Know I want to abstain from even thinking about girls and relationships but today has been an amalgamation of just this. I'll start off with the least aggravating?
It's Friday, so I have no class, which means I'm sleeping in. Well I get up shower and plan on doing some homework. I have a few commitments today; I'm meeting up for a friend and going for coffee (James, I'll introduce him in a bit) and poker with the guys. (lenient for that one) Well I haven't text or called James yet so I get sucked into facebook and all it entails. Soon enough I'm talking to Ally. She's back home cause her brother's sick and their dog is really on its last legs. Well other than her bringing up the movie we never finished and the hike it was fine. But this I suppose is inclination that she wants to finish it, aka date. Well enough with her for know. (She had to go take care of the dog) onto the EX! Joy…
Kara started to talk to me (or I to her I do not remember) on FB chat right before Ally went offline. Well we talk for a little bit and she is having trouble with a computer assignment. She asks if she can call, I say sure, and she does. I help here with the assignment which was simple manipulation of MS Word. (Stuff you know if you mess around enough but may not pick up on) somewhere in here James (I'll introduce in a bit) phones. We had talked about going for coffee today and just confirmed the time. Kara calls back and we talk for a bit while she continues working on her assignment. She decides to call me back in a bit.
On a side not from all the Girl drama and relationships (in a way) James and I went for coffee. The reason is for accountability. We keep each other accountable. I won't disclose the details but he'd been struggling and I phoned him at the right moment (God thing for sure!) to allow him to be open with his fiancé. Well we had a good talk about more than just that and I tell him all that's going on and through my mind. (Where the relationship thing sneaks back into this day as indiscreetly and invasively as possible) Kara calls during this meeting and all I need to really mention is she sent something in the mail…
On with the day! Back at the facebook stage (forgot to mention this) I had started a conversation with Kas. She never did reply but I think it might be tied into something a little later on… For the next stage I need to introduce and explain my family. (Yes I'm finally going to tell you about what I promised previously) At school I have 'family'. What I mean by this is I have a sister, not a real sister, but someone I talk about a lot with and really interact with as if she was my sister. (coincidently her really little brother has the same name as me) Well the other day Reba (My sis…) and I went for some overdue family time. Sometime during the conversation Mandy comes up and also my 'commitment' not to date and think about relationships for a year. Well our 'fam' time comes to an end. We go our ways only to have her text me at dinner telling me we have to meet. As it turns out when she went to her room Mandy was there. With someone else in the room, Reba casually drops that I've committed to not dating in earshot of Mandy. The reason for our urgent meeting? She felt she may have broken our confidence… Bless her she is amazing. She didn't want Mandy to say something about my not datingness and have me find out that she dropped the line. Not only did I assure her that I trust her and her judgment I thanked her profusely for doing so. We joked about it and said, "Well hopefully she backs off" and "we will find out tomorrow". Well, not only do those words haunt me at this moment, but I definitely found out the effects. Mandy has latched herself to me, clung rather. After playing a game of pool she invites me to cheesecake and coffee later on with two other friends. Well I don't want to seem rude, more to the other friends, so I accepted. This isn't where the story ends however…
Later in the day, I get a text from Mark asking me if I want to hang out with him, Kas and her best friend. I say yes and so begins the turmoil of the century. They want to see a movie. Kas wants to see one thing, Mark another. In a playing, joking way they argue about it and anger flares etc. They finally decide (edge of darkness) but because of the argument and they way it was done (msn) we can no longer make the 7 20 showing and have to go for the 10 30. This is great as it allowed me to slip out of the thing with Mandy. (She was none too happy glaring and such…) Well to kill time we hit up Rocko's (awesome little retro diner with milkshakes) It's all fairly well (I mean I'm completely not myself and can't hold a decent conversation, I blame Kas… sad I know but there something about her that cause me to freeze up.) We go to the movie and sometime through the night someone else gets invited to meet us at the theatre. Well Kas saves a seat for him. This sets off my 'radar'. I'm pretty sure Kas likes him and all through the movie I was looking at the night and other things piecing things together. Well I come to the conclusion that Kas will most likely go back to school in his car. I was right.
My mind on that ride home was well, interesting; one might say ground breaking. I was angry, and I knew why. The person I liked was going off with someone else that I knew she liked. This seem like such a wrong emotion the express, especially because the chances I blew with her and, simply, because who I am. Things like this don't bother me. They don't affect me. There's just something with this girl, yet a part of me still doesn't think she's the one. I've mellowed out writing the rest of this, as what I was thinking I was going to write is completely different. (maybe even a little offensive, but definitely blunt)
Well I'll leave the sad tale of my relationship life here as I slowly realize truly how hard it will be to not think about of this. Especially when this is all my day revolves around. But this is the very reason I have chosen to take such a serendipitous action; to counteract this and grow closure to God. But as I type this, my mind reels to the option or thought that perhaps that's just who I am…
A Struggling Struggling Stranger
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