Sorry for not posting last night; we had a guest and he slept on the couch. AKA instead of put him out by working on homework and then writing I decided to pack it in early. This also cause me to not sleep, or very little, last night and get up at 5 to finish my homework. It's been a long day yet the only time felt tired was in my 6-9 class…(which I skipped the second half) Anyways Class this morning was a riot… What happens when you take a bunch of youth majors and stick them in a class explaining and going through puberty and growth?.... the EXACT same thing as a bunch of junior highs…. SAD but true… it was fun :P My RA meeting was good we gave the gals cards and roses. At the end of the meeting we prayed and I actually spoke out; not long, not eloquently, but I did. Well that brings me to my night…. I've spent the last couple hours writing calligraphy and setting up a table… What for? A surprise 'catered' meal for some girls. Tomorrow I will grab the bread salad and flowers and we will be all set. Should be fun, I'll let you know how It goes.
Yesterday was Valentines…. There's a lot I could say, stories I could go into… To Kara: I cannot be the man you want me to be; I'm not the perfect person, not even just for you. I know what to do yet dread the thought of it… How do I talk to you when every word I speak I fear will hurt you more or my lack of words do the same. I am stuck in the middle a great turmoil that ultimately ends in pain. How do I simply say we are only friends when it's so easy not to be. Your disappointed in my, so am I. But where you are disappointed with my lack of action I am disappointed with the action I've taken and my lack action in the opposite of what you think. I've prolonged things for dread of hurting you, and I know that musty sound like a load of horse…. But it's true. You know me, you know how others feeling effect me, how I live through others happiness… What am I trying to say? I'm sorry. My stayed hand or voice has hurt you more than a swift tongue ever could.
I could ramble on but as much as my heart and mind are in turmoil (over Kara but over something else as well) I will leave it here as I think I have lost heart or faith in this blog, perhaps it has run its course, perhaps this is the end of yet another one of my faces; masks; personas; persons.
A Pathetic Struggling Stranger
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